Emails During Conflicts

E-mails are inflammatory when their wording is likely to put others on the defensive, or their style or manner in which they are sent violates standards (formal or informal) for appropriate communication. 

The rules for what constitutes “standards for appropriate communication” vary from organization to organization and situation to situation. The following ideas can come in handy:

1. Understand the conflict and be aware of the things that create or exacerbate conflict, and be aware of how they pertain to your e-mail communications.  That’s the first step in avoiding inflammatory e-mails.
2. Avoid using e-mail to discuss conflict–discuss it in person if possible
3. Use wording that is constructive and a style that is appropriate
4. There are cases whereby a delay may be detrimental to the relationship with the other party. In a situation like this, if you are the recipient of the first email, write to acknowledge that the email has been received and promise to send your reply soon.
5. Asking questions enables you to see clearly the point you disagree on, and understand the person’s point of view and sometimes it may help clear confusion
6. Look out for words laden with emotion. They give insight into what the person might be feeling. When you understand the way the person feels, you can acknowledge that you recognize how the person feels. It does not necessarily mean you are validating the negative emotion.

“I understand that you feel angry concerning this issue…”

This statement does not mean you approve of the anger.  Sometimes, because of the lack of knowledge of how to express our emotions to others, we may resort to the use of volatile words. Acknowledging the emotion of the other person may help the matter and stop the use of scathing remarks or curt replies.

• Remain calm no matter how aggressive the other person is; your emails are monitored while at an organization

Conflict management via email has a limitation you need to give consideration to. This is in the area of reading non-verbal cues. Tones may be inferred, especially if you have prior knowledge of the personality you are dealing with.

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Source / For more reads:

http://www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/LeaderLetter/inflammatory.html#:~:text=Avoid%20using%20e%2Dmail%20to,it%20in%20person%20if%20possible.&text=It%20also%20seems%20that%20people,face%2Dto%2Dface%20communications.

Sample emails:

– https://www.woculus.com/tips-for-conflict-management-via-email/

– https://nevertherightword.com/5-email-templates-to-fix-a-high-conflict-situation-with-a-co-worker/

Constructive emails during conflicts – https://hbr.org/2015/03/you-can-have-constructive-conflict-over-email